I know it's been a while. Happy New Year!
I read a great post recently on The Fioneers. Here is the link: https://thefioneers.com/self-limiting-beliefs/
I recently signed up for Jessica's course on Intentional Living.
I have to say, she got me.
She said the course was $97 but it was on sale only until Friday for $57 - $40 off! I was so intrigued by her hook of an email talking about the pointlessness of my life that I was convinced both Mr. ItF and I should sign up for it.
Here's the thing - Jessica ran this exact same course in August, and guess how much she was selling it for?
$57.
So here I was, convinced I was getting the deal of the century. That's a great price, I said to myself. I love getting a deal.
Turns out, the deal was in my mind the whole time! It just goes to show you - money psychology really works on people. There's a reason why it's $57 and not $60.
Update: I actually communicated with Jessica via email. She said the price really IS $97 (when she ran it in August, it was the first time she was running it and she has priced it at $57 as an introductory price). So I can rest assured I did indeed receive a deal. My point is though, she offered it for $57 and I wasn't compelled, but when I saw the $97 crossed out I felt much more convinced. It could also have been a question of timing, to be fair. But personally, I think that $97 crossed out really tipped the scales for me.
Anyway, back to the post. I read her post, "6 Strategies to Conquer Your Self-Limiting Beliefs."
So I was inspired to think about my own self-limiting beliefs.
Here are a few:
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
2) "I will die before retiring."
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Here are Jessica's 6 strategies to conquer self-limiting beliefs.
Look for Evidence
Ask Questions
Articulate an Empowering Belief
Test Your New Empowering Beliefs
Build a Supportive Community
So let's try each one!
First: flip the script.
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
Flipped:
1) "I will get hired by NYC and I will leave my current job, and it will be a success. It may even be better than my current position."
--
2) "I will die before retiring."
Flipped:
2) "I will retire soon and be able to enjoy my retirement before I die, even if it's briefly."
--
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
Flipped:
3) "I will have plenty of time to enjoy my retirement as well as my son's childhood."
--
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
Flipped:
4) "I will be able to retire early and I will be able to choose whether or not I want to go back to work on my own terms."
--
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
Flipped:
5) "We can move abroad or to another place in the US. We will be able to see family and friends when we want to. With FaceTime we can stay in touch with family and friends easier now than we would have been able to in years prior."
--
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Flipped:
6) "I will be the best mother and wife I can be. Everyday is a new chance and opportunity to be a kinder, more patient mother and wife."
The second strategy is looking for evidence.
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
Evidence:
1) Many people possibly less competent than me are hired often by NYC.
2) No one knows what the future could hold. Even if I don't leave to work for NYC, I am not tied to my current job and I could work for some other company.
2) "I will die before retiring."
Evidence:
1) Although some people die before retiring, I may very well live past retirement.
2) Even if I do die before retiring, I have lived a fairly full, enjoyable and rich life. I cannot truly say I have many or any regrets except that I would like to see my son's wedding, and if my son wishes to have children, my future grandchildren.
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
Evidence:
1) Although some people die early in retirement, if I have fulfillment and meaning in my life, it is possible and likely I will enjoy my retirement immensely, at least for a good amount of time.
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
Evidence:
1) With careful planning, I will be able to live off my retirement funds until I die. I may be able to leave a bit of inheritance as well.
2) There are many social programs to provide for seniors and elderly who do not have enough funds to live on.
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
Evidence:
1) Even if we regret moving abroad or far from family, we will still have the option to move closer to family. There is nothing stopping us from reversing our decision.
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Evidence:
1) My child is still alive and smiles often. I can't be that bad of a mother.
2) My husband is still married to me and smiles and jokes occasionally. I should still make an effort to bring more joy to his life.
Third strategy: Ask questions.
Why is this actually an issue?
What’s the worst that could happen?
If that happened, how would I handle it?
Would I still be okay?
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
I believe this is true because I am coming from a place of fear that I am not good enough and I will never grow.
This is an issue because NYC is offering more money and I am afraid I will become stagnant.
The worst that could happen is that I don't get hired by NYC.
I would handle it by continuing in my current position until I cannot take working there anymore or until I retire.
If I cannot work there anymore, I will retire early.
In the worst case scenario I will move to a lower cost of living area.
2) "I will die before retiring."
I believe this is true because I am coming from a place of fear that I will not be able to enjoy the money I have saved up until now. There isn't actually any evidence I will die.
This is an issue because I could be spending all that money before I die.
The worst that could happen is that I die and Mr. ItF and Baby ItF inherit my money.
I wouldn't theoretically care since I would be dead. Or perhaps I would be grateful they have the money to inherit and contribute to their wealth.
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
I believe this is true because I am coming from a place of fear that I will die soon after retiring. There isn't actually any evidence I will die.
This isn't actually an issue. I have already lived a very rich and full life.
The worst that could happen is that I die soon after retiring.
I wouldn't theoretically care since I would be dead.
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
I believe this is true because I am coming from a place of fear that I will run out of money after retiring. I am worrying that I haven't saved up enough money for retirement, or that the market will crash and I will not be able to survive.
This is an issue since I may have to go back to work and it may be difficult to get a job (think Nomadland).
The worst that could happen is that I live off social services.
I would handle it by trying to get hired by someone or living off social services or a combination of both.
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
I believe this is true because I am worried we will not be able to afford expensive plane trips back. I also worry my family will not be able to afford expensive plane trips to visit abroad.
This is an issue since I value seeing my family and friends.
The worst that could happen is that I never see my family and friends in person again.
I would handle it by using FaceTime when appropriate. Perhaps focusing on Mr. ItF and Baby ItF as well as making new friends.
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
I believe this is true because I am worried we will not be able to afford expensive plane trips back. I also worry my family will not be able to afford expensive plane trips to visit abroad.
This is an issue since I value seeing my family and friends.
The worst that could happen is that I never see my family and friends in person again.
I would handle it by using FaceTime when appropriate. Perhaps I would also handle it by focusing on Mr. ItF and Baby ItF as well as making new friends.
The fourth strategy is empowering beliefs. I think I may have slightly mixed this up with the earlier strategies.
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
Empowering Beliefs:
1) I can do a few mock interviews with friends and family to prepare for interviewing for NYC.
2) No one knows what the future could hold. Even if I don't leave to work for NYC, I am not tied to my current job and I could work for some other company (repeat of Evidence 1-2).
2) "I will die before retiring."
Empowering Beliefs:
1) If I live a happy and healthy life, tempered with common sense and being careful, I can live a full and rich life after retirement.
2) Even if I do die before retiring, I have already lived a fairly full, enjoyable and rich life. I cannot truly say I have many or any regrets except that I would like to see my son's wedding, and if my son wishes to have children, my future grandchildren. I should continually be grateful for all the experiences I have had thus far and those I continue to enjoy. (Evidence 2-2 modified).
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
Empowering Belief:
1) Although some people die early in retirement, if I have fulfillment and meaning in my life, it is possible and likely I will enjoy my retirement immensely, at least for a good amount of time. (Repeat of Evidence 3-1).
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
Empowering Belief:
1) With careful planning, I will be able to live off my retirement funds until I die. I may be able to leave a bit of inheritance as well. (Repeat of Evidence 4-1).
2) There are many social programs to provide for seniors and elderly who do not have enough funds to live on. Even if I do not have enough money, I should be able to find enough social programs in order to live an adequate and enjoyable life (Evidence 4-2 modified).
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
Empowering Belief:
1) Even if we regret moving abroad or far from family, we will still have the option to move closer to family. There is nothing stopping us from reversing our decision. (Repeat of Evidence 5-1).
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Evidence:
1) My child is still alive and smiles often. I am a good mother. I love my baby. I do my best by my baby. (Evidence 6-1 modified).
2) My husband is still married to me and smiles and jokes occasionally. I can and will make efforts to respect my husband's wishes and be a better wife. (Evidence 6-2 modified).
Strategy Five: Testing New Empowering Beliefs.
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
Steps I can take:
1) This Saturday, I will look up interview questions and prepare and practice answers to them.
2) After my interview date is scheduled, I will ask friends and family to help me do mock interviews.
2) "I will die before retiring."
Steps I can take:
1) I will try to eat healthier and in moderation.
2) I will try to eat less sugar.
3) I will try to drink more water.
4) I plan to walk for at least 15 minutes a day, everyday after work.
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
Steps I can take:
1) When I am close to retirement, I will plan out my day every hour to give structure to my day and week. I will set up a routine and also make a conscious effort to volunteer.
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
Steps I can take:
1) I should carefully examine past spending and make sure I retire with enough money to cover future projected expenses.
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
Steps I can take:
1) Consider discussing with my family how they feel about moving abroad or to another lower cost of living area.
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Steps I can take:
1) I will read to my baby everyday for 15 minutes.
2) This Saturday, I will look up resources on how to be more patient, more loving and more kind. I must learn how to be of better service. I also should ask Mr. ItF to take the love language test so I can know what type of love language he values the most.
Strategy Six: Building a Supportive Community
1) "I will not get hired by NYC, and I will never leave my current job."
Supportive Community:
1) This Saturday, I will look up interview questions and prepare and practice answers to them - identify an accountability partner to help me with this. Maybe work on this Friday instead.
2) After my interview date is scheduled, I will ask friends and family to help me do mock interviews - I have family and friends in mind to assist with these mock interviews.
2) "I will die before retiring."
Supportive Community:
I have an accountability group on Signal in place to assist me with the below:
1) I will try to eat healthier and in moderation.
2) I will try to eat less sugar.
3) I will try to drink more water.
4) I plan to walk for at least 15 minutes a day, everyday after work.
3) "I will not have enough time to enjoy my retirement."
Supportive Community.
1) When I am close to retirement, I will plan out my day every hour to give structure to my day and week. I will set up a routine and also make a conscious effort to volunteer - when I am close to retirement, I can look for Facebook groups in the area I am moving to to help with planning activities.
4) "If I retire early, I will run out of money and have to find a job when I'm old and no one will want to hire me."
Supportive Community:
1) I should carefully examine past spending and make sure I retire with enough money to cover future projected expenses - this is another item I can review with my TrustPlus coach (they're free!). I have an appointment scheduled on Friday for this.
5) "If we move abroad or far from family, it will be difficult to see family and friends."
Supportive Community:
1) Consider discussing with my family how they feel about moving abroad or to another lower cost of living area. I can ask in appropriate Facebook groups how other people handled moving away from friends and family.
6) "I will be an inadequate mother and/or wife."
Steps I can take:
1) Look online for resources on how to be a good mother.
2) This Saturday, I will look up resources on how to be more patient, more loving and more kind. I must learn how to be of better service. I also should ask Mr. ItF to take the love language test so I can know what type of love language he values the most - the best accountability partner is Mr. ItF. I need to recognize when I am not being supportive, and take steps on how to change my behavior.
Phew! That was intense!!!
Well, I'm glad that's over. This was a really good exercise but I still feel like I should revisit this post and review it.
I heartily recommend these steps for working through your limiting beliefs.
Good bye for now.
I remain,
Your Faithful,
Into the FIRE
